I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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