he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize