I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
