if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
there is puke in my bra ... again
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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