I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
