If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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