This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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