I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
