i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
