Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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