I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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