I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Someone shattered a urinal.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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