Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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