My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
