k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
