Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
