bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
