He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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