I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
