forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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