Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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