I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I am spending my child support on dildos
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
