My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
