dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize