You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
