the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
