The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
