No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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