You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
