i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
