I've blown a few things in my day
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You took a bar mat shot.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize