bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
