Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
