The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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