Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
