He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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