Me too!
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
