K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
