Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
