Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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