Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
