So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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