evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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