nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I need a beard to bite.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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