You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
