Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
