Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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