Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
