Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
