I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
