TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
