Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
