So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
