Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
