any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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