Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
