My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
did you just send me my own nude
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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