After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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