I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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