So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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