One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
