no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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