What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
