Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
