then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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