I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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