the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
