Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
