Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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