I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
