someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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