I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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