he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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