Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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