Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
