dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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