I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
