I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I want to fling myself into the sun
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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