New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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