I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I want her autograph on my taint
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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