I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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