Welp...herpes.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
