Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
