I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
