she sounds like chewbacca in bed
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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