While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
