my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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