He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
