Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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