I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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