ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
this must be what syphilis tastes like
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize